I know. Once you’re a couple of shots into an evening, it can be really impossible to imagine that your latest love interest wouldn’t be better off knowing how much you’re dying to get with him or her, and how willing you are to drive over to his or her house that very second to make hot monkey love with them all night long.

Chances are about as high as a stripper’s heels that you’ll be laughed/yelled at and promptly hung up on. After drowning your disappointment and sexual frustration in several additional adult beverages, you’ll eventually hobble home and fall into bed.

The next morning there’s a good chance you’ll wake up with a pounding headache, but it might take a little longer before you start to get that nagging feeling of shame which prompts you to check your call log. With horror, you realize you called your crush, and worse, talked for a whole mysterious five minutes. What did you say? And more importantly, what did he or she say?!