A few weeks ago, Cristen and I dedicated an episode of Stuff Mom Never Told You to the topic of dating violence. According to a report in Pediatric Nursing, one in three teenage girls report some level of dating violence, which includes everything from verbal and emotional abuse to physical abuse and rape.

Cristen and I focused our discussion specifically on teens because research indicates that younger people have a far harder time determining that they are being abused and they’re extremely likely to think that the abuse was justified, a reasonable response for something they may have done. Both of these views are likely the result of teens being in their first real relationship; not only do they want to preserve a first love, they also have fewer experiences of healthy relationships to serve as a model for what is normal.

But what if you’re on the outside of the relationship, and you see behavior between a couple that’s clearly not normal nor healthy? We asked our listeners for advice on this situation, and we received a ton of great advice.