It’s inevitable — if you have a pet, at some time you’re going to have to face the loss of that pet. There are countless articles containing suggestions on how to prepare for that loss and how to cope once it’s happened. But there don’t seem to be that many that cover how to know when it’s time to bring a new pet into your home. I know this because I’ve been looking for some guidance in this area.

As I write this, it’s been exactly four months and four days since our dog succumbed to cancer. She was just one week from reaching her 11th birthday, and she’d spent pretty much all of her almost-11 years as part of our family. Well, if truth be told, she wasn’t just a part of our family; she completed it.

It took a while for my husband and me to get a dog. We talked about it for what seemed like forever — at least to our friends it seemed like forever, but it was only a few years. And it turns out it all happened at exactly the right time because we ended up with Sadie — a smooth-coated Jack Russell/Beagle blend who had all the endearing traits of both breeds. Thanks to her JRT heritage, she was incredibly intelligent, agile, adventurous and brave. And her Beagleness was clearly evident in her happy-go-lucky, playful nature, intense curiosity and all-around lovability. And both breeds are known for their sociability; Sadie preferred to be nearby either me or my husband (or both of us together so we formed a little pack) at all times.

Thanks to telecommuting, I had the pleasure of her constant companionship both during her first year and then again for the last several years of her life. To be without her now is — well, it’s so many things: sad, strange, and confusing. Her absence has left a sizable hole in our hearts and lives — much bigger than even I could have possibly imagined. And this might be why approximately half of our friends started suggesting we fill that void by adopting a new dog — some saying this a mere week after her passing while others waited a month to broach the topic. Then there are some who, after losing a pet of their own, found it too difficult to welcome another into their home and think we might feel the same. And others kindly say we’ll know when the time is right — it could be months or even years.

It’s interesting in that those in the “get a new pet now” camp all seem to be the most outspoken, continuing to lobby their position while the others have not. Today’s post is, at least partially, in response to a stranger’s comment (a sentiment that I should say a few friends have expressed in kinder ways). For the sake of space, I’ll sum up by saying that, recently, I was at an event speaking to a few acquaintances and the topic of dogs came up. One of the people I was speaking to had just heard about Sadie and expressed his condolences. On overhearing that, a woman standing nearby asked if I’d adopted another dog yet. I replied, “No, not yet — it’s only been a few months.” She asked me if I intended to adopt another dog and I nodded my head yes. At that, she told me that if I did intend to get another dog that it’s irresponsible of me, given the number of dogs in need of a good home, not to have already adopted one. At first, her comment made me angry. But then, I started to wonder if she’s right.

The few articles I’ve found about when to get a new pet say there’s no definitive answer — it’s different for everyone. The thing that struck me while reading and revisiting the comments and suggestions from our friends is that the advice all sounds a lot like what people say when talking about cancelled engagements, separations and other relationships that have ended.

As I’ve watched friends in those situations, they all seem to fall into similar categories to the ones I listed above. Some immediately go out and find a new person to date. Some swear they’ll never love anyone again. And others admit that they need time to process the loss of their relationship first. Oddly, looking at it this way, I’ve been able to think about this more clearly, without focusing overmuch on everyone else’s opinions. I know that I definitely don’t fit the first category — and that’s OK. I also know that I don’t need to feel guilty because I have a perfectly good, dog-friendly home “going to waste” right now.

I do want to adopt another dog someday; whether that’s in a few months from now or a few years, only time will tell. We found Sadie at just the right time so I’m hopeful that will happen again.

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