Like Tracy, I was slightly enraged by Kay S. Hymowitz’s smug deconstruction of the modern “pre-adult” male she described in her Wall Street Journal piece, Where Have the Good Men Gone?. But not so much because she incorrectly paints men with a love of ‘Star Wars’ and Cartoon Network programming as overgrown college co-eds but because she misses the female side of this ‘good men’ equation.
I agree with Anna North over at Jezebel: boiling young men down to self-absorbed, clueless Seth Rogan in “Knocked Up” clones is simply sexist. As much as Molly and I discuss the short end of the stick that women often receive, sexism is a two-way street, and casting off men as useless, beer-guzzling, insensitive idiots does nothing to advance the overarching social discourse on gender beyond playground finger-pointing. To me, it’s the equivalent of a man characterizing all young women as “Sex & the City”-crazed, shoe-obsessed, hormonally imbalanced nut cases.
And if Ms. Hymowitz truly believes that “husbands and fathers are now optional” for women today, why is she spending such a high word count discussing how difficult the “good ones” are to find? Perhaps because — from my vantage point as a mid-20s professional gal without a ring on her finger, which is allegedly the demographic Hymowitz writes about — plenty of well-heeled women still date these supposed ‘man children’. And plenty more date perfectly nice, quality gents.
However, I don’t know of any girlfriends who have thrown up their hands, weary of men’s “puerile shallowness” and “in fear and disgust either [given] up on any idea of a husband and kids or just [gone] to a sperm bank and [gotten] the DNA without the troublesome man.” If anything, we ladies just jump on OK Cupid and see what else is out there.
From an economic standpoint, Hymowitz probably shouldn’t write off the male gender so quickly, either. Although the recession hit men the hardest and arguably turned gender dynamics on its ear in the past few years, the guys are recovering from the employment hit — and faster than women. Sure, that doesn’t address some men’s affinities for ‘Maxim’ or Adam Sandler flicks, but should we really wallow around in those kinds of stereotypes any longer than we have to?
In a word, Ms. Hymowitz, no.
Maybe a good man is hard to find. But maybe, just maybe, successful, independent women should figure out what they’re looking for — whether it’s a ‘Star Wars’-loving geek or a Judd Apatow apostle — and check the sexist diatribes at the door.
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