The future soon (Courtesy Hemera/Thinkstock)

I’ve created my own list of the greatest threats to mankind’s existence. Among these are nuclear weapons, zombies, strangelets, asteroids, fast food, robots and children. I base these assessments on careful scientific study. For example, horror films like “Children of the Corn,” “The Ring,” “The Grudge” and “The Omen” have proven that children are destructive creatures who must be stopped. And the lauded documentary film “The Terminator” makes it very clear that robots want nothing more than to rise up and eradicate the human race.

Normally, I’m confident that humans can overcome any one of these obstacles, but I read this report in NewScientist that says European engineers are enhancing the toddler-sized robot called the iCub, thus combining the threats of robots and children into one dangerous package. I’ve checked my notes five times and according to my calculations, child-sized robots lead to worldwide chaos in 98 percent of all possible scenarios.

The iCub is an ongoing project. While the robot itself is rather tiny, its creation is no small feat of engineering. The robot is now getting an upgrade. Previously, the robot’s hands were too big — they were closer in size to an eight-year-old’s hands. Realizing that a tiny robot with oversized hands was a path to madness even Europeans can’t travel, the engineers worked hard to create more appropriately-sized hands.

This isn’t an easy task, particularly when you need to give an object several degrees of freedom. Packing technology into a smaller form factor is always a challenge. But the engineers succeeded and soon iCub’s hands won’t be too large for its form.

The engineers are also upgrading iCub’s legs. The new legs contain springs that act as shock absorbers, so when iCub jumps up and down on my lifeless body it won’t suffer impact damage.

The team is working on the robot’s artificial intelligence. Right now it knows how to play tic-tac-toe. I suppose the next step is Global Thermonuclear War. Wait, that would combine three of my biggest threats to mankind! I don’t want to be a fearmonger, but I think it’s safe to say we’re all doomed.