A pose that Willie Stokes knows well, I'm sure. (Digital Vision/Getty Images)

Willie Stokes has quite the life story. As he tells it, “I’ve been to prison once, I’ve been married twice. I was once drafted by Lyndon Johnson and had to live in Mexico for 2 1/2 years for no reason. I’ve had my eye socket punched in, a kidney taken out and I got a bone chip in my ankle that’s never going to heal. I’ve seen some pretty [crappy] situations in my life, but nothing’s sucked more than this.”  There’s only one way to punctuate such a colorful autobiography: Stagger drunkenly outside and puke onto the freshly fallen snow below. Oh, one more thing … did I mention that Willie’s dressed as Santa Claus?

And so opens the No. 1 film on our list, the oh-so-twisted “Bad Santa.” This is a film that waves its irreverence around like a lighter at a Stones concert. After all, the movie’s main character is a mall Santa Claus who views his job thusly: “If I’d known I was gonna have to put up with a bunch of screaming brats [peeing] on my leg for 30 days out of the year, I would’ve killed myself a long time ago. Then again, I still might.” He’s also a nasty blackout drunk and unrepentant thief, but hey, no one’s perfect.

As it turns out, Willie’s job is a ruse — he’s actually a master safecracker who works the Santa gig so he can case the mall in plain sight and rob it blind after it closes on Christmas. Of course, an irredeemable lush like Willie can’t do anything without help, so he depends on his partner Marcus to wrangle the jobs for him. Oh, one more thing … did I mention that Marcus is an African-American little person who’s forced to work as an elf just to keep Willie’s Santa Claus upright?

Marcus’ increasingly futile efforts to keep Willie sober are the funniest parts of the film. Nothing says “twisted holiday film” like a drunken Santa Claus staggering up a mall escalator and beating a papier-mâché burro to pieces in front of a bunch of children — before peeing himself and passing out, of course. I won’t spoil the extremely profane argument that follows, except to say that it contains what might be the greatest Leonardo DaVinci shout-out in cinematic history.  The only hints towards Willie’s redemption come in the form of a bartender with a Santa fetish and a (literally) snot-nosed kid who believes that Willie really is Santa Claus. Then again, redemption’s relative when your idea of toughening a kid up involves kicking him where it hurts. Repeatedly.

A lot of people find “Bad Santa” vulgar, and it is. Extremely. That said, there really is a lot of heart underneath the surface. Willie and Marcus are strangely devoted to one another, and you have to really care about someone to lead cops on a high-speed chase just to get him a crappy Christmas gift. Then again, there’s a reason that I pop this beauty into my DVD player every weekend from Thanksgiving until New Year’s: you have to love a character that will scream savagely at a mother and child for interrupting his lunch. While dressed as Santa Claus.

Previously:
Top 5 Twisted Holiday Films: No. 5 — Go
Top 5 Twisted Holiday Films: No. 4 — Gremlins
Top 5 Twisted Holiday Films: No. 3 — Lethal Weapon
Top 5 Twisted Holiday Films: No. 2 — Die Hard/Die Hard 2 (tie)