They’re celebrating a big anniversary this week on Sesame Street — the children’s show marked 40 years on the air. Most discussions about the tremendous impact of “Sesame Street” include a mention of how the show’s writers handled the death of Mr. Hooper in 1983. When actor Will Lee, who portrayed the friendly shopkeeper in the neighborhood, died, the producers decided to have the character die as well. The writers consulted with psychologists who told them to take a direct approach with the young viewers, and producers chose to air the episode during the Thanksgiving holidays, so that families could watch it together.

(There’s also a transcript at Muppet Wiki.)

The lessons in this scene still hold up today, as I found when I consulted a publication by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) on talking to children about death. Instead of using obscure phrases about death, such as “he is resting” or “he passed away,” Big Bird is told that Mr. Hooper “died” and “is dead.” Like most young children, Big Bird thinks that the situation is temporary and reversible, so his friends reiterate that death is a permanent state. When Big Bird expresses anger and worry that no one will take care of him, he’s reminded that he has lots of friends and lots of good memories. Also, Big Bird is reassured that it’s OK to feel sad.

All of these tips are covered in the NIH publication, but I thought I’d pull out a few more. In addition to avoiding euphemisms about death, it’s also important to be clear that death isn’t a result of getting sick or going to sleep. If kids think there’s a causal relationship between the two, they’re likely to fear even a mild case of the sniffles or a short nap. To ensure that your children don’t start to harbor misconceptions about those things, make sure they know that death is always something they can discuss with you. When children see adults in tears, they may think that talking about it will make things worse, and as a result, misunderstandings about death accumulate.

One of the biggest misunderstandings that children hold about death is that they are somehow responsible for it. Many children believe that their bad behavior may have made a loved one sick or want to leave them. Another misconception particularly popular among younger children is that death is reversible — another reason why avoiding vague language like, “she’s resting now” should be avoided. And while religious beliefs can be a balm to grieving adults, the NIH points out that it can only frighten children further. Believing that a loved one has been taken by God may lead young children to believe that God could show up anytime to steal them away as well.

It’s well-known that children are unpredictable, so it’s impossible to expect a certain reaction from a child. Some may be angry, some may cry, some may go about their usual business. What’s important is that children know they can always return to a parent with questions that will be answered honestly (“I don’t know” is an honest answer). If all else fails, maybe parent and child can take a trip to Sesame Street and view the iconic Mr. Hooper scene together.

More from HowStuffWorks:
How Dying Works
How Grief Works
Can you really scare someone to death?
What makes graveyards scary?