The much-desired toaster full of cash (© iStockphoto.com/Geoarts)

“Why doesn’t Crate & Barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash?” asked Pam Beesly on a recent episode of NBC’s “The Office.” See, Pam was marrying salesman Jim Halpert, and what the young couple really needed in this economy was cold, hard cash, not another toaster or a turtle (which was Dwight’s gift to the couple).

Pam isn’t the first bride to struggle with the etiquette of asking for moola; according to a 2001 survey conducted at WeddingChannel.com in association with American Express, 42 percent of betrothed couples consider the most challenging etiquette issue of a wedding to be requesting money as a gift. Is such a request acceptable? How do you ask without looking like a gold digger who didn’t find a loaded sugar daddy?

According to Peggy Post (Emily’s great-granddaughter-in-law), it’s perfectly fine to ask for money, but you must do so politely. Just as you wouldn’t run around screaming, “I registered for a $800 coffee maker!” you mustn’t go around screaming that you want cash for a trip to Bali. If you want to find lots of envelopes of cash on the big day, Post suggests telling close family and friends of your request, as they will be the ones often asked about what you’d like and where you’re registered. Such information, be it a traditional registry or a plea for funds, should not appear on the wedding invitation.

But just because you’re counting on checks with lots of zeroes doesn’t mean you can get out of registering. Some people may always find giving money tacky, and you must give those people the option of buying you towels or juice glasses. If you’re asked directly what you would like, you should be just a little coy before getting to the point. “I’m sure we’re going to love whatever you give us,” you can say, “but money is something we could really use right now.” For an extra touch of class, mention something specific that you need the money for, such as a down payment on a home or your honeymoon. It’s a little tacky to say that you need help paying for the wedding; after all, you don’t want Aunt Gertrude asking why you picked a five-layer wedding cake on her dime.

Some brides are setting up wishing wells at their weddings for guests to discreetly drop their checks, while others set up virtual wishing wells at sites like ourwishingwell.com or thehoneymoon.com, which allow guests to make their donation online. This might be especially useful for a bride in the midst of a last name change, as many newlyweds can face trouble cashing their checks if the name on the check doesn’t match the name on the identification.

If you’re a guest trying to figure out how much to give, Lisa Scherzer at Smart Money has a few suggestions. She cites one bridal magazine editor who claims $75 is typical; twice that if you bring a date. Another bridal editor tells Scherzer that you should shell out $75 to $100 for a co-worker, $100 to $125 for a relative or friend and $100 to $150 or more for a close friend or a close relative. There are exceptions of course; you can spend a little less if you fly all the way to Italy just for the wedding, and even the worst bridezillas should understand that your wedding gift budget is tight if you’ve been invited to five weddings in one month.

Here are some articles on potential registry items from HowStuffWorks:
Top 10 Appliances We Can’t Live Without
How Bone China Works
How Blenders Work
How Rice Cookers Work