Fascinating. (Getty Images)

Turns out, I am disgusting. I always assumed that I spread disease; I’ve found now that I carry horrible germs everywhere I go, even without any meaningful human contact. I wear flip-flops and that makes me unclean.

This is, of course, supported by a New York Daily News article, as all of my most fundamental beliefs are. The article details the results of an informal experiment conducted by NYDN reporters who wore brand-new flip-flops around New York City for four days. (For those researchers looking to replicate the methodology, the flip-flops appear to have been purchased from Old Navy.) The reporters wandered around the danker parts of the city, taking several subway trains, walking around the Coney Island subway station bathrooms, bars in the West Village, etc.

Here’s where the science part finally kicks in. The Daily News handed the thoroughly tainted flip-flops over to microbiologists for analysis. They found 18,000 bacteria, including the five most common varieties found in urban environments. They also found that over the four days of wear, the reporters picked up Staph strains and two types of bacteria found in the mouth, which indicates the reporters walked through spit.

WHA?!!?

That’s crazy, reporters wearing flip-flops in New York City picked up bacteria walking around subway station bathrooms for four days. Who knew? Perhaps every single person over age 12 who wear flip-flops. It goes with the territory; the feet are exposed and hence the wearer’s health is threatened to a slightly higher degree than if one wears paramilitary-style cop boots that paramilitary-style cops wear. And I’ve been to New York twice in my life and I can tell you that the Coney Island subway station bathroom is filthy.

My favorite part of this article is a quote from one of the microbiologists interviewed for the piece. He warns of the dangers of “rat-doo” for spreading germs. Science!

Here’s some real news: Rape is reaching epidemic proportons in the DRC. Let’s talk about that, huh?

More on HowStuffWorks.com:
Should antibacterial soap be outlawed?
How MRSA Works
How Spring Cleaning Works